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The Art of Observing

Finding my way back

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    Hey, I'm Sarah. I lost myself a little while ago and now I'm on the long road back to finding me again. I'd love some company if you're up for it.

    I'll tell you about life with a medically complex child, how I'm facing up to anxiety and self doubt (most of the time) and other observances I make along the way. I'm so glad you're here, stay a while if you can.

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    Hello world!

    When it hurts to hope

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    Some parts of Annie’s story are harder to recoun Some parts of Annie’s story are harder to recount than others. 

Some parts haven’t floated back to me yet.

I was thinking this morning about the first time I went to the supermarket after we nearly lost her for the third time and we got the diagnosis. I felt like I was in another realm to everyone else. Like I was invisible. 

Somewhere between the rows of tomatoes and capsicums I had to steady myself and wondered, genuinely wondered, if anyone there would notice if is slumped against the tomato crates and sobbed. All I can remember thinking is, I’m not really here, I feel like I’m not really here. 

I wondered if anyone could see I was broken.

I wondered if anyone could see I was barely hanging on.

How can I have just gone through what I just went though and then just slip back in to perusing the weekly specials? 

How can I go from holding my girl and feeling her slipping through my fingers, draining away before my eyes to remembering to bring my green bags to the store?

I didn’t know how to be in the world anymore. I’d fought so hard for it all to still be here as it was before, and then I forgot how to be there with it.

It felt like nothing fit anymore.

And yet she was still there with me. Right there in the trolley. Blowing kisses to strangers and peeling stickers off avocados. It had the makings of a reality where nothing had changed. And yet it had. 

Everything had changed. #rarediseasemum #rarediseasemom #geneticdisease #diagnosis #rarediseases
    I’m starting from here. I’ve found enough shel I’m starting from here. I’ve found enough shelter from the shame storm that whips around me when it comes to my lack of posting here to know that the only way forward is to just start from where I am. 

Did I drop the ball? Or did life keeping rolling on top of me in a series of blows that left me groundless and craving just one full breath before I was winded again? Yes to both of those questions. In a time when I should have nurtured a place for my thoughts to air instead I shied away. Unsure I knew where to start - and terrified I wouldn’t know where to stop. 

The how and why’s will come to light as we travel on, I hope. But for now I am showing up here to keep a promise to myself. That when I no longer know where to start I will simply start from here. I will start again from now. 

#inspiration #motivation #motivationalquotes #life #selfcare #mindset #selfcompassion #shamestorm #personalgrowth #surrender
    Sometimes it’s less than a whisper. Sometimes it Sometimes it’s less than a whisper. Sometimes it’s a roar. Most of the time it is scary. Scary because it can be so far from where you are now that you don’t believe you will ever make it there. It will never be real. But the niggle is such a gift. It is so beautifully persistent. At first you lean in gently and then you are snowballing. You forget where “you” end and the niggle begins. You start to step into your truth. That. That is where your power unapologetically resides. Give in to the niggle. It’s worth the fear. #stepintoyourpower #leanin #trusttheprocess #believe
    “Courage starts with showing up and letting ours “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen” - Brene Brown. So here we are, showing up to be seen #taketheleap #vulnerabilityisstrength #beseen #beheard

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